Battle Fatigued

               I'm tired.  I'm tired most of the time.  The biggest difficulty I face with Crohn's is that the fatigue keeps me from doing things that I want to do.  My mind is going a million miles a second, but my body cannot keep up.  This has gotten in the way of school, family functions, work, and pretty much every aspect of my daily life including simple household chores. 

               I've talked to many people with Crohn's disease who have had people call them lazy.  We are definitely not lazy.  Our bodies work harder than most, and some people say that our bodies even work too hard and that is why we are sick.  Well I'm here to set the record straight on those that would see us a lazy.  I do anything and everything that my body allows me to do.  Many times, it gives out on me and there is nothing I can do about it but lie down and try to recharge my battery.  When I am unable to do things on a daily basis I feel useless and weak.  I am a pretty independent person and it makes me feel bad that I have to rely on someone else that much.  Luckily, I have wonderful and amazing people around me who understand, for the most part, what I am going through and that I do need help once and awhile.

               Even though I do get this awful fatigue on a regular basis, I still push myself as much as I can.  My biggest pet peeve is when people tell me I can't do something because of my Crohn's.  They think I'm too weak, too fragile, or not strong enough.  All of their talk is just fuel to make me want to try even harder.  Even if I do fail, at least I tried.  Also, when I say that I can't do something:  I really cannot do it.  It is hard to admit when something is beyond my means, but I only tell people I can't do something when I absolutely positively am physically unable to do it.  Sadly, not everyone understands this and sometimes they keep prodding at me to do it.

               So take heart my rangers.  You are not lazy and don't let anybody ever tell you that you are.  Remember to push yourself, but don't overextend and make yourself even more sick.  I am pretty guilty of that myself.  I guess it's that German stubbornness that I get from my Father's side.  It comes in handy, though, every now and then when I feel like I should just give in to the disease and stop trying.  I'm never quitting the fight, and I hope you can say the same for yourself.  Fight on, rangers, fight on.