Girl, Interrupted

     

       Well, I'm back.  At least for this post.  I can never say that I'll keep a regular schedule with this blog.  With this disease you never know what the future holds.  Anyway, it has been a hell of a year.  2014 was the hardest year of my life with all the hospitalizations, setbacks, and losing my Dad.  2015 has been a little better, but that is a pretty easy feat to accomplish by comparison.  I finally decided to bite the bullet and do the surgery they have suggested for the past 2 1/2 years.  They wanted to take my entire colon and put in a permanent ostomy, but I'm too stubborn for that shit.  I let them take a few feet and put in a temporary ostomy.  I would be lying if I said it's been a breeze and agree with so many who say it was the best thing that they ever did.  I admit I struggle with it every day.  I'm not looking to have a pity party, but when you are already close to the edge it doesn't take much to push you over into the abyss.  I'm not completely hopeless and depressed so don't start calling 1-800 numbers, it's just been hard.

         I find myself angry a lot, and for no specific reason.  I try not to be, especially around my loved ones, but it still creeps out.  And don't get me wrong, i'm a tough little bitch that doesn't back down easy and I also know how to stay positive even when things are anything but, however, no one can pull that off 24/7.  No one.  What i'm getting at is, be mad, be sad, be however you feel.  It's ok.  We don't always have to be that shining example of mind over matter.  We are still human after all.  I'm trying.  I'm trying hard to get back but it is a long road and there are many dangers.  I hope to see you all at journey's end.

         In the meantime, I will do my best to still be an advocate and voice for those that do not have one.  This past week, December 1-7 was Crohn's and Colitis Awareness week.  I was able to get the local media out to my house to do a story.  So far I have had a lot of positive feedback about it.  I'll put the link below if you have not seen it yet.  Until next time (whenever that is), keep fighting Rangers.




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